Birthdays
by Little Leaf of the Redwoods
Summary: A Deadliest Catch Story about the NW and the Hansen Brothers - no OCs - rated for language. Just a lot of fluff and family love. Nothing offensive, at least in this story:)
1. Edgar's Birthday

"Your brother hates you" the words still haunted Edgar Hansen's mind. That fight happened months ago during King Crab season but Edgar could still hear Jake's voice spitting those words towards him like it happened yesterday. The fight was so vicious that after they made amends, mostly because Edgar cannot stand having someone mad at him, neither one of them ever mentioned it again. Both of them just wanted to pretend it never happened.

But it did happen and those words were said and Edgar wondered if Jake knew something he did not. Jake and Sig were pretty close, almost like father and son and Edgar genuinely wondered if Sig shared some long buried feeling about his youngest brother with his "adopted" son.

Did Sig hate him, really hate him? Oh sure, Edgar and Sig had their arguments and endless days of not speaking to one another but hate….that hurt Edgar more than anything he ever heard in his life. All he had ever done was try to get his oldest brother to love him without seemingly like he needed that love, which he did but couldn't admit, even to himself. But it seemed like Sig just tolerated him or ignored him like he was still that bratty kid that slept down at the end of the hallway. Edgar would push Sig's buttons all the time just to get a reaction out of him and remind him that he still existed, like a naughty child trying to get a distracted parent's attention. Oh, he usually got Sig's attention but the constant bickering and hurtful comments were slowly driving a wedge between them.

Edgar wished he could talk to his brother openly about a lot of things but there was never any time. Sig was always business on the boat and party on the beach and Edgar was trying to raise a family and make a life for himself. So there was never really any chance of a meaningful conversation, not that the two of them were that great at effective verbal communication anyway. Sometimes, Edgar felt like the boat was the only thing holding them together. Otherwise, they just go their separate ways like some siblings do as they get older.

_I don't want that to happen to us_ Edgar thought sadly.

Edgar's brooding was interrupted by Sig climbing the stairs to relieve him of wheel watch. The sun was rising over the sea and the weather was picking up as evidenced by the dark clouds smudging the horizon.

"You can catch another 30 minutes of sleep before we start if you want." Sig said with a yawn.

Edgar looked over at his brother. Sig looked tired and his thinning blond hair was a disheveled mess. _Why can't he just take a break and stay home for once instead of making himself sick over this floating nightmare?_ "No, I'm good" Edgar responded quietly as he turned the chair over. As usual, the two of them carefully avoided any physical contact with each other as the exchange was made.

Sig went about readjusting all his monitors and sensors the way he liked them. _Why does my brother have to mess with this stuff anyway? Swear he does it on purpose_ he thought. It took a couple of minutes for Sig to realize Edgar had not left but was leaning against the shelf behind the captain's chair.

Sig sighed. This sign was never a good start to the morning. "Something on your mind?" Sig asked, slightly annoyed but wishing his voice didn't show it.

Edgar shook his head "No…I guess not." Edgar stood up straight and headed for the stairs to the galley. _Someone minus well start the much needed and beloved coffee pot_ he resigned to himself.

As Sig watched his youngest brother descend the stairs and disappear, he knew something was bothering Edgar to the point of distraction. _Shit, I don't have time to deal with him now. Too much to worry about with the weather picking up and the ominous ice warning being spit out by the damn fax machine_. Before Sig put the thought from his mind, he couldn't help but wonder for a fleeting second if he ever really made time for his brother.

**Later in the day**

Edgar was unusually quiet the entire day. Jake noticed it immediately but knew to keep his distance. It was best to leave a cranky deckboss alone. Sig noticed it as well and also kept his distance. Sometime before sunset, Sig called Jake to the wheelhouse to go over some logbooks while the rest of the crew cleaned up from dinner and ready the deck for another round. The weather was awful, snowing and blowing 30 mph but the Northwestern crew fished in anything so not much really fazed them anymore. Their tanks were almost full with beautiful snow crab and they'd be heading into St. Paul Harbor for an offload tomorrow.

Jake bounded up the stairs like a puppy dog and Sig couldn't help but smile. The guy was a breath of fresh air, all energy and drive. Sig saw so much of his younger self in that kid.

"Hey, boss!" Jake said as he started going over the logs from across the wheelhouse.

"How are things on deck, Junior? Seemed kind of quiet down there today" Sig asked absentmindedly.

Jake wasn't sure how to respond to this line of questioning so he dodge the questions as best he could "Yeah, everybody was sorta lost in their own world, just wanting to get the work done, you know, and focus on staying sharp in the weather."

Sig could smell a dodge answer as good as any fisherman worth his salt. He wasn't going to let the kid off the hook on this one.

"What's really going on down there?" Sig asked in that no nonsense tone that made Jake shutter.

Jake looked over at his captain with those ice blue eyes and he shrugged his shoulders honestly. "I don't know. Ed's been real quiet lately. I thought maybe…you and him…got in an argument or something" then he quickly added "not that it's any of my business" with his hands raised up in submission.

Sig turned and looked out the wheelhouse window. He let out a deep sigh. "No, we haven't talked much at all this trip, let alone argue."

"Oh well, he'll be fine, back to his old self, lighting people on fire and trying to blow the place up" Jake said in his usual positive way. He went back to working on the logs, grateful for the work to take him away from an uncomfortable conversation.

Sig continued to stare out the window. He knew his youngest brother well enough to know when something really bad was bothering him. He just wasn't good at dealing with it. Sig never knew what to say or how to say it and everything ended up coming out wrong. Sig sighed to himself. People skills was the one area in his life that just about sucked. Dealing with Edgar for some reason always highlighted that weakness in him. It seemed like him and his brother were constantly hurting each other in one way or another for many years. It was no wonder that people that did not know them thought they actually hated each other. Hell, people that did know them thought they hated each other. It wasn't that long ago that Jake himself, Edgar's best bud, screamed 'your brother hates you' across the deck for the whole world to hear. Edgar never acknowledged that comment and they never talked about it. Sig assumed Jake explained later to Edgar that he was just angry, frustrated and looking for a way to hurt him with something that was completely untrue.

Something clicked in Sig's mind at that moment. _Edgar knows I do love him, right? Jesus, I've devoted my whole life to making sure that guy didn't end up on skid row like so many other fishermen I know. He does know that, doesn't he? Do I have to say it all the time? Well, maybe not all the time. I guess I never say it at all_. But that was how the three Hansen brothers had been raised by their father – tough love they called it. Suck your emotions down and never show each other how you feel. No hugs, no pats on the back, just the occasional handshake were permitted. Saying I love you was out of the question. You were just expected to know it.

Sig sat in the wheelhouse for a long while going through the emotions of anger, regret and finally acceptance. _I need to find a way to remind my brother I love him_.

Sig was a giver. In his language of love, he gave gifts to show his emotions. Words were much, much harder for him. He thought about Edgar's 40th birthday which was in a few days. He knew what he wanted to get him that would show him he really cared about him. It was something Edgar had as a teenager that he lost when he had to sell it to pay their father back on money borrowed. Edgar had never gotten another one, never got over losing it either. Sig was just going to have to come up with something a little creative to pull this one off.

**Several days later**

After a successful offload and during the return trip to pick up pots set for a town soak, Edgar awoke to his 40th birthday. The day was sunny and unusually calm for January on the Bering Sea but none of that mattered to him. He lay in his bunk for a few minutes and thought _what the hell am I doing here. I should be home with the people that love me_. Inwardly he sighed, dug deep and rose from his bed. Every muscle in his body ached and his hands were cracked and sore. Ignoring the pain as he had been trained to do, he stretched and dressed slowly in his black Northwestern hooded sweatshirt. He noticed that Matt, Nick and Jake had long departed the stateroom to start work for the day. _Wow, my brother must have been in a generous mood to let me sleep in a little – must be my birthday after all_ he thought with an eye roll to the ceiling. He started to make his bed and straighten up the tiny room before he left.

As if Sig could read his inner thoughts, his brother picked that very moment to come bounding into the room and lock the door behind him. Sig was positively bouncing with excitement as he made his way into the room over the mountain of dirty clothes pilled on the floor. He stopped to stand across from Edgar. Sig was dressed in his usual blue jeans and soft gray button-down shirt. He was feeling a little fatigued from steering the boat for the last 24 hours but that wasn't going to slow him down this morning.

_Oh God_, Edgar thought, _I've screwed something up and he just can't wait to lay into me_.

"What's gotten into you this morning? Who's steering this boat anyway?" Edgar asked in an effort to cut Sig off at the pass and avoid a lecture this early in the day. He leaned against Nick's bunk

"Norm's upstairs" Sig said as he motioned to the wheelhouse. "I wanted to see you alone for a few minutes and Norm is more than capable of steering the boat" Sig said in defense of their middle brother as he leaned on the opposite bunk.

"Didn't say he wasn't" Edgar responded quickly. "What's up?" _God, can we not have an argument today of all days. _

"I wanted to talk to you." Sig replied suspiciously

Edgar groaned "What the hell did I do now?"

Sig needed to change the direction of this conversation quickly. "Well, you turned another year older, for one thing."

"Yea, thanks for reminding me…NOT…I was wondering why I got to sleep in this morning." Edgar said sarcastically.

Sig had to make every effort to avoid Edgar's defensive stance. He wanted this to go well. "Sleeping in ain't the only thing you get today" and Sig took out a little box, wrapped in metallic blue paper, from his shirt pocket and handed it to his brother.

Edgar took the proffered box in his right hand. It even had a little white bow on the top. He turned his dark green eyes towards his brother with shock. As a rule, birthdays were not celebrated out at sea and gifts were most certainly not exchanged. This was just…not done…so Sig was not surprised by his youngest brother's shocked expression.

"Well…open it!" Sig commanded with his cobalt blue eyes dancing.

"Umm..ok" Edgar said dumbfounded. He tore the paper off and found a plain cardboard box that was taped shut. Breaking the seal, he dumped the contents into his left hand.

It was a miniature toy motor bike, green and black in color, like the Matchbox ones his youngest son still played with. Edgar held it in his hand for a minute, playing with the front wheel. "Very cute" he said, not sure what to make of this tiny gift.

"Maybe, but the real one is far from cute. It's waiting for you at home. You just have to pick out the one you like when the season is over" Sig said quietly but could not hide the giant grin on his face.

Edgar stared at his brother for a few minutes, not knowing what to say. Then he turned his eyes to the floor and swallowed hard. He immediately thought of the motor bike he had as a teenager. He loved that bike. And, in an effort to teach him a lesson, his father sold it to pay off Edgar's debt to him. His father even humiliated him by making him stand in the driveway during the sale. It hurt, really hurt to watch that bike get sold to some greedy, spoiled rich kid that got everything handed to him and never worked a day in his life. Edgar never said anything about it and figured no one cared enough about him to notice. But apparently his oldest brother took notice to his pain at the time and remembered it years later. Now, his brother was giving him a brand new bike for his birthday.

The cardboard box dropped out of Edgar's hand down to the bunk. "I…can't" was all he could get out as he was suddenly overwhelmed with a lot of buried emotions all at the same time. He started to shake.

Sig's grin fell like a pot leaving the launcher. "Why not?" he questioned. This was not how he expected this conversation to go.

Edgar continued to study the floor but his eyes were starting to burn and his boots were becoming blurry. Not wanting Sig to think he didn't like the gift, which he really did, he blurred out "it's great but…I don't deserve it" he said under his breath.

Sig practically pounced on that statement. "What the hell are you talking about, of course you do!"

Edgar could only continue staring at his boots and holding in the tears that were filling up in his eyes. He couldn't say anything. The normally "Nothing Will Shut Me Up" deckboss was at a loss for words.

Sig looked hard at his brother. _This is worse than I thought_. He also realized at that moment that Jake never cleared things up with Edgar about that fight and that horrible, brutal lie.

"What do you think?" Sig asked quietly, "That I hate you or something?"

Edgar's heart painfully contracted at the question. He couldn't help himself but look up straight into his brother's gaze, causing the tear that had been hanging on his eyelash to fall down his cheek in a silent act of betrayal. He had to know, as painful as the answer might be. It was better to know then spend the rest of his life wondering. He gathered his courage and asked "Do you….…hate me?" in a soft, shaky voice.

No answer. Just silence. The air in the room hung heavy. Sig just continued staring at his brother with no expression and no outward evidence of what the answer might be.

Edgar finally looked away from his brother and shut his eyes. He actually felt his heart starting to break.

Sig didn't answer immediately because he was in a state of shock. _How the hell did this happen to us. Damn. How could he think this?_ Sig got angry for an instant but the anger faded when he saw the open pain on his brother's face. He realized instinctively that if he did not open his heart now at this very moment, he'd lose his brother forever. And that thought scared him to death. _I don't know what to do. Stop thinking and just do what you want to do!_

Then the strangest thing happened in the Hansen world. Sig took a step towards his youngest (but taller) brother, grabbed one of his arms with his own hand and with his other hand, gently turned his brother's face so that dark green eyes would be looking into blue ones. Edgar flinched at the strange touch and resisted pointlessly. He figured he was about to get punched in the face so he kept his eyes closed and waited for the blinding pain. When nothing happened, he opened them. That was the moment Sig had been waiting for.

The words Sig thought hardest to say just tumbled out. "I love you" he whispered, "Always. ...don't you know that?"

The last clear thought Edgar had in his mind before he lost it was _don't cry in front of your tough oldest brother, don't cry, and don't cry_. Too late. The youngest Hansen brother's resolve broke and the tears came in shoulder-racking sobs. Without thinking, Edgar buried his face into Sig's neck and shoulder in an effort to muffle the sound so the rest of the crew, including his stoic middle brother, wouldn't find out that he broke down and cried like a baby just because his oldest brother loved him. Not just loved him, but actually SAID IT out loud. Edgar didn't realize how badly he needed to hear it until that moment. He felt the fear of not being loved desolve away and was replaced by waves of relief and joy so powerful that they broke his tough exterior and he just let everything go.

Sig instinctively put his arms around Edgar and pulled him close. He felt Edgar tense slightly, relax and then just sort of melt into him. Sig just held him for awhile and didn't know what to say. Comforting words did not come naturally to him. As a matter of fact, this kind of close affection with his brother would cause Sig intense embarrassment and make him want to run and hide. Yet, for some reason, this felt…right. Sig wanted to tell his brother things would be right between them from now own.

Sig whispered, "I'm trying…you know it's hard for me…you of all people know why."

Edgar nodded in his understanding. Their father had been extremely hard on the three of them but Sig, being the oldest, always took the brunt of his father's temper and old-fashioned ways. Edgar knew that and he was always secretly afraid that Sig resented him for all the years of rough treatment he took on behalf of his younger brothers. Maybe that was why it was so difficult for Edgar to believe Sig really did love him. That much love is just freaking overwhelming and Edgar questioned if he deserved it.

Edgar listened to his brother's heart beating in his chest. "I'm sorry", he said with such heartfelt passion that he didn't recognize his own voice.

Sig put his hand gently on the back of Edgar's neck and asked sincerely "Why?"

Edgar started crying again and responded between sobs, "I don't know….I…feel so bad…for doubting you."

Sig hugged his brother tightly and let him cry himself out for a while. Finally Sig said "Don't be sorry…Edgar…please stop crying…you're killing me."

Edgar laughed through the tears. He buried he face one last time into his brother's shirt but caught the faint smell of something very familiar. It was a scent he had not smelled in a long time.

"You smell like dad" Edgar said as he gently pulled away from Sig and tried to collect himself.

Sig looked embarrassed but laughed. "Yea, sometimes I wear that old shit he use to use after shaving…makes me feel…like he's still around or something, you know. Guess that's fucking stupid."

Edgar grabbed his brother by both arms and said "No, it's not. Sig, you know if the old man was still here, he'd be so proud of you and everything you've done."

Sig froze at those words. He felt a butterfly float across the inside of his stomach and could not contain the gasp bubbling in his throat. He looked at his brother and started to cry himself, albeit much quieter than Edgar had just been a few minutes ago. Making his father proud was all he ever wanted and hearing out loud that his brother thought that he did was the ultimate reward.

Edgar couldn't remember the last time Sig cried in front of him, or anyone for that matter. Sig was painfully private about those kinds of events. Edgar wasn't sure what to do so he put his arms around Sig's ribcage and gently squeezed. Sig let himself be hugged for a few minutes and realized that being hugged by your brother felt just as good as hugging your brother.

"I miss him so much" Sig finally said with such sadness Edgar actually felt the pain too.

"I know. Me too. There were a lot of things I wish I could have said to him before he died, a lot of things I didn't get to do with him." Edgar responded regretfully.

Sig continued crying. Those words hit home for him and he let himself be comforted for a few more minutes. Both brothers stood together for a while thinking of their father and the times they lost with him and the things they never said. Both also had the same exact thought at the same time – _I'm not gonna let that happen with my brother, come hell or high water_. Finally Sig back away from his brother and quickly wiped the tears off his face. He looked at Edgar out of the corner of his eye "You know, dad would have been proud of all of us, you included" he said with conviction.

Edgar humpfed out loud, "You, yes…Norm, yes…me, not so much" he said as he sat down on his bunk, suddenly very tired or maybe it was just some kind of contentment.

Sig sat down next to him and gave his brother a hard look, "That's not true. Dad would have been really proud of you, too."

Edgar sighed. Sometimes his oldest brother looked through the world with rose-colored glasses and conveniently forgot certain events in their lives. Edgar returned Sig's hard look with one of his own, "That's where you are wrong, Sig. I screwed up…a lot. I got…messed up…a lot. I wasted a lot of time and money and hurt my family…a lot. Now, I'm 40. And I don't know who I am, or what I want, or where to go. Tell me, how could dad be proud of that? Come on, I haven't been the best husband or a good father. Hell, I haven't been a good brother."

Sig rolled his eyes at that statement.

Edgar continued, "I don't want to fight with you all the time. I really don't. I'm tired of it. And I don't really mean to get under your skin all the time. I just don't want you to think I'm…worthless. I'm never gonna be as good at this (motioning to the wheelhouse) as you are so I feel like, why bother, you know. But I don't know what else to do. I am lost…"

Sig was floored by the things his brother was confessing to him and needed to tell him how wrong he was. Suddenly, the tough older brother came back out in him. His voice was flint hard when he said, "You listen to me and listen good."

Edgar was a little surprised at the sudden hardness of his brother's voice, which strangely reminded him of their father. Edgar couldn't suppress the shutter that went up his spine.

Sig continued, "Dad would have been proud of you, that you cleaned up your life." And he continued quickly, "and I don't want to hear you say otherwise." Sig turned towards his brother to make sure he had his full attention. He went on, a little more softly, "I'll tell you who you are because you seem to have consumed too much hydraulic fluid over the years and forgotten. You are a good man, probably the hardest working man I have ever known. You have always been successful at whatever you put your mind too. You will be a great captain one day, I know it. You are pretty fuckin' far from worthless. And you are a good husband and a great father. You are also a good brother."

Edgar interrupted with a "ha, ha."

"Shut up and listen" Sig continued, "I know who I am and I know how difficult I can be." When Edgar looked at him out of the corner of his eye, Sig quickly added, "sometimes…anyway. Yet, you stuck with me. And I was way harder on you than I should have been – that's because of my own selfish reason which I will keep to myself. I live with a lot of regret about how I treated you over the years; I just don't know how to show it. I always thought whatever love you may have had for me, I beat out of you long ago."

"Nope" Edgar interrupted again, "I still love you." He followed that up with a very soft, "Always."

Sig paused for a second and lost his train of thought. He looked at his youngest brother and asked, "How can you still love me? After everything?"

Edgar shrugged, "You're my big brother. You always kept me safe, at least when it mattered the most." Edgar thought for a minute and continued, "You know, other than my wife, you are the only person who never gave up on me. You weren't exactly the loving, affectionate brother I wanted but you were most definitely the brother I needed."

Sig pondered this for a second. "So," he said very slowly, "you're admitting that you still need me?" Sig truly felt like Edgar just absolved him from some of his sins and he was feeling lightheaded.

"Fuck, Sig, don't let it go to your head!" Edgar regretted his words already.

Silence hung between them for while. So much had been said and they didn't exactly know how to continue from this strange, unfamiliar place in their relationship.

Sig broke the silence, "I do love you…very much. Things will be different, I promise I will try to…share…more about…you know, how I…feel."

Edgar looked away from his brother and said, "I can be an asshole with my smartass comments. I will try to stop but old habits are hard to break. By the way, I don't mean anything by the shit I say. I just don't want you to forget about me."

More silence. Then Edgar remembered he was still holding the little toy bike. He held it up in front of him.

"You remembered" Edgar said softly.

"Yeah, I hope you like the new one. Happy Birthday, little brother" Sig said sleepily. He was getting tired and wanted to rest for while.

"Any one I want to pick out, huh?" Edgar said mischievously, starting to believe this incredible gift was real.

"Yes, smartass, but you don't get it until the season's over, which it won't be unless you get your lazy ass out of bed and start working." Sig got up to go to his room and lay down for awhile but not before he gave Edgar a hard shove into the bunk. As he left he continued his fake complaining, "Stop slacking off. Always thinking because you're the baby, you can get away with shit. Typical. Some things never change" was the last thing he said before he shut the door.

Edgar smiled as he picked himself up off the bed where his brother pushed him down. He took the little bike and put it in the secret compartment of his duffle bag that held letters from his wife, drawings from his kids and other trinkets that had special meaning to him. He thought to himself as he turned to leave _and some things do_.


	2. Norman's Birthday

Today was Norman Hansen's 44th birthday, not that anyone on the boat bothered to remember or acknowledge it in any way. It was late April and the Opie season should have been long over but things didn't turn out that way this year. Between the ice, the ice and more ice, the crew had returned home during the month of February, prime fishing season, only to return in March and find the fishing grounds covered over several more times during the season from hell. They had started and stopped fishing so much, it was starting to look like they were going to live the rest of their lives on the F/V Northwestern.

Now that April came, things had improved but the Opie crab quotas had increased and Sig was going to get everything he could out of the millions of dollars left laying on the table for them. It didn't seem to matter that everyone on the boat was beat to hell and back and just wanted to go home. Sig was in charge, like always, and the crew, Norman included, didn't have a choice in the matter.

Norman really couldn't blame his older brother. As a fisherman and crab boat captain, Sig learned quickly to never count on next season because no one ever knew if it was going to be there or not. Their oldest brother wanted to provide for this family, both his boat family and his blood family, of which there were two crew members that fell under both categories. Sometimes Norman thought Sig forgot about those double-category crew members, which was fine with him, at least that was how it was right up until this past January.

Norman sensed that around Edgar's birthday, his older and younger brothers came to some kind of understanding, a new path in their relationship with each other. Norm sat in shock several times this trip when Sig would find a way to put his hand on Edgar's shoulder when he was really tired and once or twice whisper something in his ear that would make his youngest brother smile. In return, Norm caught Edgar on occasions, giving their older brother a short hug and some other sign of affection that seemed out of place in their world. These events were strange to Norman and he didn't understand. Mostly, he felt left out. But being left out was definitely something that was not new to him.

Growing up the middle child between one very domineering, hot tempered older brother and one very attention-seeking, needy younger brother left Norman feeling left out most of his life. Sig was clearly dad's favorite, from the time he set foot on this Earth, the sun and moon rose in that particular son's eyes as far as dad was concerned. Edgar was mom's baby, more like her side of the family and the first child she had that seemed to crave her affection, which she lapped up like a kitten drinking milk. Norman was just kind of there, always around and seemingly able to take care of himself from a very young age. He often escaped into other worlds, teaching himself how to build and fix things, loving electronics, cars and anything mechanical. He was a hands-on kind of guy with an incredible mind. But he was not very affectionate or open about things, not really fully understanding his older brother's need to impress their father or younger brother's need for love. His brothers were very affectionate with other people, just not each other, being raised that way by their very traditionally stoic father.

For some reason and without his permission, now things had changed. Maybe Sig was getting soft in his old age or Edgar was feeling better about himself now that he was sober. Either way, when it came to this new found appreciation and outward shows of love between his brothers, Norm was left feeling somewhat confused and betrayed. He didn't understand why he felt the way he did. He wasn't the type of guy that would have been ok with lots of gushiness and emotion from his brothers, right?

At some point that morning, the ice on the boat had started to build up and the endless chopping began to de-ice the boat. Norman ended up on the side of the boat chopping ice off the relatively new family crest that Sig had designed and placed on either side of the wheelhouse a few years ago. This family crest was a dark and light blue shield with a three-pointed crown at the top, one full point in the middle, two half points on either side. Although Norman had seen it a millions times, not just on the boat but on the clothing they all wore and also sold to fans, he had the time to take a good hard look at the damn thing.

Sig said it was suppose to represent the three brothers and he had created it himself. The crown on the top was of particular interest to Norman at this moment because for the first time, he started to wonder which point of the crown represented him. Norman always assumed that the point in the middle, which was whole and drawn significantly higher then the other two, represented Sig. _Arrogant bastard_, Norm thought. Looking at it now, maybe the high point represented Edgar since he was the baby of the family. Didn't matter, either way, Norm was positive he was one of the lower half points that sat under the higher center one. _That seems about right_, he thought, _that's were I've been my whole life. _

Norman was late in the game to this whole crabbing life since he had decided to try a normal life for awhile. Turns out, he liked the normal life and lived far from fishing for almost 15 years. Sadly, when their father died, he was forced back to the life he was destined to live so that he could help his brothers maintain the family legacy. It was ok, since he had lost his relationship with his girlfriend and didn't really have a reason not to fish. He just would have wished he had known that upon his return, he'd have cameramen in his face and a TV audience that made his weekly one shot appearance a drinking game.

Norm looked at the crest one last time and continued de-icing the boat. It was boring, cold and hard labor. No one on the boat really felt like talking and Sig was getting more impatient by the minute. Finally the silence on the boat was broken by that damn loud hailer.

"You guys want to move your asses out there, there is a lot we have to do today and if you'd like some sleep, I suggest you hurry it the fuck up" was the motivation speech provided by their captain.

Edgar's only response was to start beating gently but loudly on the wheelhouse windows right by his brother's seat. Apparently, Sig thought this was funny and rolled the side window down, tossing a piece of ice at the back of Edgar's head, missing him by a mile. Edgar also broke out laughing, Sig laughing with him like an idiot. Something like this would have normally caused WWIII but now it was this strange bonding thing that Norman didn't quite get.

_What is up with those two_, Norm wondered, not for the first time. _Go back to fighting all the time because I can't handle this love fest. I like it better when you fight, feels like things are normal when you two argue and… _

Norman was started to get annoyed that apparently there was some inside joke that he was missing all the time and he lost track of what he was doing and smashed his left hand with the ice hammer. He screamed in pain and doubled over, dropping the hammer from his other hand and grabbing the injured on a futile attempt to stop the hurt. Within seconds, the guys were surrounding him, guiding him into the galley and saying stupid things like, are you hurt and what happened.

_Dumb ass questions_, Norm thought, _of course I'm hurt and who the hell cares how it happened, just me being careless. _

Edgar tried to get Norman's coat off but he winced in pain when the jacket brushed over the injured hand. Norman quickly recovered, saying, "I'm fine, I'm fine, leave me alone." Edgar continued to get the coat off all the way, trying to cause the least amount of further hurt in the process. Edgar also quickly discarded his own coat and over pants.

Edgar tried to ignore the obvious pain his brother was in and knew that Norman would not want an audience seeing him like this so he shushed the other guys out of the galley and back onto the deck. Unfortunately, the camera guy refused to leave, smelling the opportunity for a good footage of the otherwise silent Hansen.

Sig came down from the wheelhouse, ordering the captain's camera man to stay upstairs if he knew what was good for him. When Sig got downstairs into the galley, he quickly chased the crew camera man back outside with a glance and a few choice words that went something like, "Get the fuck away from my brother or so help me God, I'll throw you overboard." Knowing this particular captain's reputation, the camera guy decided to comply and shut the door behind him. Sig then yelled out the kitchen window for Jake Andersen to come in and take over in the wheelhouse. Jake looked like someone just handed him the keys to the kingdom, right up until Sig reminded him to just keep the boat from hitting any rocks and stay on course. Jake almost crawled up the stairs from the look his captain shot him, clearly reading its meaning to be one of, _this is simple, don't screw it up. _

Then Sig turned to the scene in front of him. Norman was doubled over with pain, holding his left hand like a dog with an injured paw. Edgar was still looking totally confused. "What the hell happened?" Sig started, almost screaming, "How the hell could this have happened?"

Edgar knew that Sig wasn't mad, just upset that one of his brothers was hurt and in pain and there was nothing he could do about it. Protective Older Brother syndrome outweighed Mean Older Brother syndrome any day of the week when it came to one of his brothers being in serious pain and Sig often didn't handle it well, well, maybe never.

"I think he smashed his hand trying to get ice off the boat" Edgar explained softly as much as he could, trying to get his oldest brother to stop yelling and calm down. In essence, Edgar was assuming that was what happened since he didn't see it.

Norman was in a tremendous amount of pain and was starting to get lightheaded. His oldest brother's screaming didn't help the situation and he wobbled forward, almost losing his balance. Thankfully, Edgar was at his side in a second and leaned up against him, supporting his weight.

Edgar flashed a look to Sig of extreme concern and Sig almost kicked himself for getting so upset. He calmed himself in an instant and assisted Edgar in getting their middle brother to the table, sitting him down carefully on the bench. Edgar sat next to Norman, putting his arm around him and called his name softly.

"Norman" he whispered. "You still with us?"

Norman felt slightly more secure now that he was sitting down but he was in so much pain, he didn't notice that Edgar was still holding him. He lifted his head slightly, flashing his oldest brother a disgusted scowl, "Yes, I'm fine. I can take care of myself."

Sig came up to the table and looked into his younger brother's blue eyes, the same color as his own. The pain was written all of Norman's face and Sig wanted to comfort him somehow, letting him know his brothers were here for him. Without thinking, Sig raised his hand and placed it on Norman's cheek.

"You're not fine. I can see how much it hurts" Sig said quietly.

Norman pulled away from the soft but strange touch. _Stop babying me, I'm not Edgar. I don't need it_.

"We have to take the glove off, dude, so we can see if it's broken" Edgar whispered in Norman's ear.

Norman only nodded slightly.

Sig sat across from them and as gently as he could, he moved Norman's arm across the table, placing his own hand under Norman's injured one so that it wouldn't hit the hard linoleum of the table. Sig looked over at Edgar with a look of great regret. Edgar returned the look with one of his own but nodded slightly to the glove, encouraging his oldest brother to cause this upcoming hurt.

As soon as Sig touched Norman's hand, he hissed in pain and tried to move away, only to be held in place by his younger brother. Edgar pulled him closer and tried to steady him. Sig stopped immediately and froze in place.

"Let go of me" Norman commanded in a frustrated voice and tried to slide away from his younger brother but Edgar wasn't about to let that happen. He tightened his grip around Norm's shoulders.

"No, I'm not letting go, and if you want, you can rest your head against my shoulder. Might help not to look it, anyway" Edgar suggested gently.

Norm looked over at their baby brother in disbelieve. Despite the intense pain that he was in, Norm couldn't help but think Edgar had gone crazy. "What the hell did you just say to me?" Norm asked.

Edgar only smiled and replied, "You heard me."

"Good idea. Better yet even," Sig added, "Edgar…hold his other hand." When Norm looked over at Sig with a look that could kill, Sig explained, "I'm not looking to get punched in the face today so you're gonna let him do it, no questions." Sig had that looked that meant it was time to stop arguing about things because he was the captain and the captain is always right.

"Norman, seriously, it's ok. I'm not going to hurt you" Edgar whispered softly, trying to reassure his brother.

Norman just about had enough. "What is up with you guys? Any other day, you'd just leave me in peace to suffer alone. Why are you both being like this?" Norm lowered his head, confused. Truly, he had had enough of the attention and affection his brothers seemed to want to show him because he wasn't sure he liked how it made him feel inside, like a warm, syrupy feeling that was both strange and soothing. "Please," he begged his brothers, the pain now showing as his voice started to break, "Just let me suffer in peace."

Sig risked life and limb with his next move, considering Norm was pretty strong, even if he was injured. Regardless of the danger, the eldest brother reached across the table and gently put his hand under Norman's chin, lifting his face so that he could see how much Sig meant the following statement. "Norman, NO ONE in this family is suffering alone anymore. That includes you, so you need to start getting use to it, right now as a matter of fact. Stop fighting and let us help you."

_When did we get to vote on this because no one asked me_ _for my opinion_? Norman realized it wouldn't have mattered. He would have been outvoted 2-1 anyway. He was outgunned and he knew it. The seriousness in Sig's eyes, the gentle touch on his shoulder and face and the pain radiating from his hand had him licked and he slunk in defeat.

Both older and younger brother saw that they had won and were going to have no more resistance from their stoic middle brother. Norman's body posture was one of an overly tired toddler that finally gave into the long fought off nap time.

Sig removed his hand from under Norman's chin and for just a second, brushed his cheek like before, except this time, no one pulled away. Sig sat back down across the table and Edgar pulled his older brother closer to him. Norm curled up against him, placing his uninjured hand in Edgar's right hand and buried his face into his baby brother's shoulder. Edgar responded by resting his own cheek against the top of Norman head and looking over at Sig with an expression of sympathy.

Sig took a deep breath, gently grasping Norman wrist with his left hand and with his right, started to remove the glove from Norman's injured hand. Norman tensed and hissed, but Sig held on to his wrist. Norman squeezed Edgar's hand hard and let out soft whimpers when Sig worked the glove off as slowly as possible as not to cause further damage. Sig had to ignoring his younger brother's soft cries, which was stifled by Edgar's sweatshirt; otherwise his heart would have broken right on the spot. Edgar, Sig could handle crying, Norman was another matter all together. For Norman to cry, it meant he had to be in extreme pain and Sig's heart clenched at the thought of it.

With the glove finally removed, the extent of the damage was evident. Norman's left hand was crushed, clearly broken in several places and swelling quickly. The hand was turning many different colors of purple, red and blue and looked as painful as anything either brother had seen in a long time. Both felt sick to their stomachs and looked away from it to each other. Sig noted that Edgar looked like he was about to cry. _Keep it together_, Sig thought, for both of them.

Finally Sig spoke, "Well, Happy Birthday, little brother. You're going home."

Norman tried to look over at his hand but Edgar stopped him. "Don't" was his soft but simple command. Then to Sig, "Get some ice. At least we can keep the swelling down till we get back into Dutch. We'll wrap it with ice and keep it elevated. Might want to get some pain killers out of the first aid kit, too."

Norm started to struggle a little, "No fuckin' way are you giving me any pain killers. I know what those things can do."

"Norm, you're in pain, it's what they are for" Edgar tried but Norm kept shaking his head. Edgar decided it wasn't the time to argue. Sig got up from the table, pulled some ice out of the freezer, along with the thawing ice cream cake hidden in the back of the refrigerator, dropping both on the table and went to get the first aid kit from the stateroom.

Edgar saw the big cake box and thought now might be the perfect time for cake after all, cake with a pain killer or two hidden in a certain someone's piece. He leaned down and whispered in Norman's ear, "We…got you… ice cream cake" saying it slowly, almost like a tease.

"And I thought you guys forgot" Norman muttered sarcastically into his younger brother's chest. Then he added, "Let me guess, it has Sig's name on it too since his birthday is four days after mine. I don't think I ever had my own birthday cake once growing up, ever in my life, for that matter."

Edgar smiled to himself. It was a sore subject between his two older brothers who always had to share birthday parties, presents and in general, got short changed by family members who always went with "One Big Gift" instead of two separate ones for each brother. _Thank God I wasn't born in April_. _Sig and Norm were both "just home from summer Salmon fishing" babies and I was a "just home from snow crab fishing" baby. Lucky snow crab season it must have been. _

Sig returned with the first aid kit and got out the gauze, tape and scissors. He put the needed items in front of him on the table. As carefully as he could, he placed the ice pack over his younger brother's hand, causing a new round of wincing and hissing, Edgar holding on and rubbing Norm's shoulder gently and whispering "it's ok, I got you" multiple times. Sig winced himself several times and managed to wrapped the ice loosely around Norman's hand with the gauze several times, cutting the left over strips and taping them closed. Then he elevated the hand under a pillow he grabbed off of his own bed.

"Leave it there for awhile" Sig said, "No moving!" Sig then got up, slipped something from the first aid kit into his pocket, Edgar seeing this move and nodding his agreement, and went into the galley. Sig grabbed a large serving knife, plates and spoons from the utensil drawer and returned back to the table with the acquired items.

"Shit, I forgot candles" Sig almost got back up when Norman mumbled brokenly, "Fuck it. I just want cake, anything to stop thinking about my hand."

Norman was trying desperately to hide his heaving shoulders but he was pretty sure he wasn't doing a good job of it. His hand was throbbing, the ice making it burn and he was starting to shake from the pain of it all but he wanted some damn ice cream and cake. _It is my birthday after all - what a shitty birthday this turned out to be. _

Edgar almost had to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all, if it wasn't so clearly evident he had a crying brother in his arms that was in excruciating pain. Both he and Sig were about to drug their brother with his own ice cream cake on his birthday. Edgar nodded to Sig, who opened the box and started cutting. Norman had continued to hide his face in his younger brother's sweatshirt this whole time, mainly because he had tears pouring out of his eyes and he was embarrassed for his brothers to see them. Edgar wanted to whisper to him, _Um, my shirt is starting to get soaked so you can't hide it from me anymore_, but he let his brother continue to think he was saving his pride.

The cake was decorated with blue and white icing, the Northwestern family crest with shield and crown in the center. It didn't bare anyone's name in it since Jake and Nick were lucky enough just to find a place in St. Paul Harbor that would make and decorate an ice cream cake on short notice during their last offload. Sig cut the top of the cake in three pieces, not realizing he cut the crown in thirds, each piece containing one of the three points of the crown in icing. He quickly took the piece with the high, middle point from the center and slipped three small pills inside of it. Edgar watched carefully where his oldest brother hid the pills. Sig then slipped the piece of cake with its plate and spoon over to Norman.

Norman saw the cake slide slowly across the table out of the corner of his eye. He then finally turned his head quickly and looked at the cake left in the box.

"Very original, Sig. I like the colors." Norman got out through clenched teeth, looking away to hide the tears.

"What can I say, I love my own designs." Sig responded with a grin.

Norm rested his cheek against his youngest brother's chest and looked back at the piece of cake in front of him. He was starting to get lightheaded again from the pain but he watched their younger brother pick up the spoon and fill it with yummy, sugary chocolate and vanilla goodness. Edgar gently brought the spoon up to Norman's mouth and he gladly took the offering. He sighed loudly as the cool ice cream and tasty cake made it past his lips and down his throat. He watched again as Edgar went to scrape some of the icing off the top of Norm's piece but Norman stopped him with a nudge.

"Hey, how…did…I…get the big…point?" he questioned through his own sobs. _God, I am like Edgar, _he thought_._

Sig had started gobbling his own cake and responded with a mouth full of ice cream, "That's you, dude….Didn't you know that?"

Norm looked over at his older brother in complete confusion, tears in his eyes. Sig assumed they were from the pain he was in, or maybe they were from something else. Sig also glanced up at Edgar, who looked a little confused himself.

Sig saw the confusion but laughed. "What?" Sig asked but already knew the cause for confusion.

Edgar founded his voice, also another spoonful of laced drug cake to his older brother's mouth, "Umm…we always figured the middle point represented you, you know…captain and all" with an eye roll that he couldn't contain.

Sig laughed again, harder this time. "Wow, you guys must think I am the most arrogant, pompous bastard in the world."

Norm finished his third spoonful of goodness and looked at his older brother with the "Well, you said it first" look. Sig could now see the tears were coming fast and he prayed the pain killers would start working soon because he didn't think he could take much more of this, regardless of the reason or reasons for the tears.

Sig sighed but explained with all seriousness, "No, Norman, the middle point is you. The middle, duh. It should have been obvious, right? I just wanted to give you the height God denied you and gave to your brothers instead. Always did feel a little guilty about that." Sig finished with a smile.

Edgar gave their middle brother a little squeeze and the softest and shortest nuzzle against his forehead with his stubbly cheek. "Guess you're loved after all" he added with a whisper, figuring he was safe from getting punched since his brother was starting to feel the effects of the pain medication he didn't know he just took.

Norman said nothing and accepted several more mouthfuls of cake with ice cream. He continued to let the tears run down his face but he didn't hide it. He stared at his older brother like he wanted to tell him something and, maybe Edgar imagined it but, Norman also rubbed his face gently against his younger brother's cheek for just a second or two.

Within minutes, Norman had drifted off to sleep leaning against his younger brother for comfort.

"Whoa, what did you give him?" Edgar asked in a whisper, Norm sound asleep on his side, and trying to enjoy his own piece of cake, finally, after being tortured by watching his brothers enjoy the deliciousness.

"Some heavy stuff. Hopefully he'll sleep till we get back to Dutch" Sig replied in the same whisper.

"Hopefully we can just get him back to bed. How long will it take to get to port, you think?" Edgar asked.

"A day, maybe two. We are going straight there. Norm can get treated by the hospital in Dutch and then he can fly home on my birthday" Sig answered, waited and then added, "I'll be going home with him."

Edgar almost spit out the ice cream in his mouth.

Sig didn't wait for the "What the hell are you talking about question" from his youngest brother. He quickly explained to this loved but still awake little brother, "You're taking over the boat for the rest of the season. It's long past time, kid."


	3. Lies

Sig sat in the waiting room of the tiny hospital in Dutch Harbor. The boat had just docked several hours ago and Edgar had stayed behind to manage things, but not without significant complaint. Edgar wanted to go to the hospital with Norman, too, but Sig ordered him to stay with the boat, saying that he was still the captain until the moment the wheels of his plane left the runway tomorrow night.

Of course, Edgar whined and pouted and begged his brother to let him go but Sig would have none of it. Sig wasn't trying to hurt his youngest brother but the last thing he needed was Edgar falling apart right before taking over the boat. Finally, Edgar relented and had a heartfelt goodbye with their middle brother. At least it was heartfelt on Edgar's part. Norman, on the other hand, was royally pissed off, in tremendous pain and tried to punch his little brother in the face several times before leaving in the ambulance.

Sig was eternally grateful that Norman has slept most of the time on the trip back to port and that the unpredictable weather of the Bering Sea decided to cooperate so they could make it back in record time. Sig hadn't slept since the accident, steering the boat through the darkness and praying that his brother would still have use of his left hand. Now, sitting in the quiet, overly warm waiting room, Sig started to drift off to sleep.

A while later, the one and only doctor on the hospital woke him up. The man was an older gentleman who had seen his share of horrendous boat injures over the years.

"Mr. Hansen?" the doctor called, gently shaking Sig's arm to wake him.

"Is my brother ok?" Sig asked as soon as he cleared his head and remembered where he was.

'Mr. Hansen, my name is Dr. Reber. I just examined your brother's x-rays and evaluated what I could. We are going to fly your brother down to Anchorage and then onto Seattle for emergency surgery. His hand is badly broken and he will need extensive surgery that we aren't equipped to handle here. The medivac is leaving in few minutes" the doctor explained gently.

"Can I see him before he leaves?" Sig asked quickly.

"He is heavily sedated but you can go see him for a minute or two, yes. I'll take you to him." The doctor answered, turned and started walking down the hallway.

Sig followed him. On the way to the hospital room, Sig had awful thoughts. _Should I have called the Coast Guard? Why couldn't I have gotten here faster? Why did I decide to drop pots for a few hours before we left the area? Did I cause further injury to my brother by not getting here faster, by not getting him help faster?_ The thoughts tortured Sig's mind and heart. These were long lasting questions that would plague him forever, joining a lengthy list of doubts and heartache Sig had about the decisions he made over the years.

They were the kinds of questions that torture every crab boat captain all their lives – constant guessing and second guessing and praying to God that you made the right decision and having to live the consequences when you did not. Terrible thing, having the lives of so many people in the palm of your hand and all it takes is one wrong decision, one wrong move. _And now I am putting my youngest brother in that same position. Does he really know what he is really getting himself into? Is he aware of the psychological torture sitting in that chair brings or is he just tired of being on deck and doesn't know what else to do? _

Sig stopped the doctor before they got to Norman's room. He put his hand lightly on the doctor's arm and asked one of the hardest questions he ever had to ask. "Will my brother…lose his hand" Sig whispered softly, his eyes full of dread.

The doctor gently shook his head, "I don't know, Mr. Hansen. I wish I did but it just depends on what the doctors can do in Seattle. They have marvelous surgeons and you just have to have faith at this point." The doctor paused and then added, "You're brother knows all the possible outcomes. I told him myself before the nurses sedated him and he is fully aware of what can happen. He knows."

Sig had to force the bile back down his throat. "You mean…he knows that he could wake up from surgery…and not have…" Sig had to stop himself because he couldn't go on anymore.

The doctor looked him straight in the eye and said, "Yes, your brother knows there is a possibility he may wake up from surgery with his left hand amputated in order to save his life."

Sig started to shake, his own hands trembling and he felt faint. Before he could think about it, the questions just slipped out. "Did I make this worse? I mean, if my brother had gotten here faster, would it have made a difference?" Sig asked in a voice that was already breaking.

The doctor smiled sympathetically and thought about all the times he had a fishing boat captain in front of him, asking those same kinds of questions, with the same kind of voice. He told Sig exactly what he told all the others before him, "You did the best you could for him given the circumstances. Now leave the rest up to God."

The doctor patted his arm and walked away, reminding Sig he only had a minute or two before the emergency techs would come and transport his brother to the airport. Sig stood in the hallway outside of the room for just a second and gathered himself together. He walked in and found his younger brother hooked up to a lot of noisy machines, taking his blood pressure and feeding him constant pain medication and antibiotics. Norman was groggy but awake and he watched his older brother come into the room.

Hesitantly, Sig walked over to the bed and stood next to his brother. Norman thought his Sig looked like he had the world on his shoulders and so he gave him a small smile. Sig smiled back, saying, "I guess you're getting your own, private flight home."

"About time I got treated like the famous TV star that I am" Norman said in a soft voice dulled by pain medication.

"Norman, that would require you to actually be shown ON the TV" Sig answered back.

"Hey, I'm always around somewhere" Norman protested weakly.

Sig laughed, "Yeah, around wherever the camera is not" then he grew serious, "Norm, I…spoke with the doctor. He says you're gonna be alright…"

"Liar" Norman accused softly, his eyes closed, "If dad were here and knew you were lying, he'd…" A wave of intense shooting pain ran through Norman's hand and he hissed out loud, screwing his eyes shut.

Sig reached out and stroked his brother's hair, caressing his face and offering soft words of comfort. Sig started to get teary eyed and felt his heart start to squeeze shut. Norman breathed through the pain and opened his eyes to see his big brother almost crying.

"Enough of that shit, will ya? Stop the freaking crying already. Get off my hair, too." Norman fussed weakly, the pain medication increasing itself on its own, registering his spiking heart rate.

Sig flat out ignored him. "Norman, I only have a minute. I'll be flying out tomorrow and I'll be home as soon as I can…"

When Norman started to protest hopelessly, no doubt not wanting Sig to come home on his account, Sig shut him down immediately. "No, no, I'm coming home. It's my God damn 45th birthday tomorrow and I am doing what the hell I want too. The kid's taking over the boat for the rest of the season, Norm."

Norman registered this information through a hazing fog coming up to claim him but he managed to nod his head once firmly. "It's about time. He's ready…past ready. Damn addiction" Norman muttered softly. He was starting to fade away to a peaceful, pain-free sleep.

Sig leaned over and whispered before Norman was completely out, "Have a safe trip. I'll be there as soon as I can, hang in there. Don't worry about anything. I'll take care of everything, _like always, like I always did_. I love you, little brother, very much."

"Love you both" was the last thing Norman said, so quietly Sig had to read his lips to understand him. Sig brushed away the tears hanging on his the end of his nose and said goodbye to his brother. Norman drifted away and the nurses started coming into the room, unhooking machines and prepping Norman for the long journey home.

"Sir, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave" one plump, no nonsense nurse told Sig, almost pushing him out of the room. Sig watched helplessly as they wheeled his brother out of the room and down the hall to the awaiting ambulance. The ride was headed to a private airport and a one way ticket home.

Sig said a prayer for this brother, gathered Norman's clothing and items from the front desk and signed a lot of paperwork authorizing medical insurance and releases of information. When he was finally done, he called for a taxi and headed back to the dock, to his beloved ship and got himself mentally readying to turn over the wheelhouse to his baby brother.

Sig hoped the transition would go well, considering it would be his birthday and everyone had had enough stress in the last few days. But Sig eventually had to be realistic. This was going to be a nightmare of a birthday. Between the stress of Norman's condition, the long, tireless Opie season and the contentious relationship between him and his youngest brother, which had been quiet for a while and was due for a blow up, Sig figured this birthday would be one he'd remember for a long time.


	4. Broken Promises

Sig stepped out of the taxi cab and watched it pull away. He felt the sharp, cold air on his face and he tightened his jacket around his shoulders. He lit a cigarette and started walking. As he walked down to the Northwestern's berth, Sig could smell the salt water and felt the burning in his nose. He could hear the bells, banging, cursing and clanging that came with being at the docks. Ships squeaked and pulled against the heavy lines keeping them in place, almost like they couldn't wait to get back out to sea but were grounded for bad behavior.

When he finally got to his destination, Sig stopped and looked up at his boat. _Well, our boat, me and my brothers, that is_, he mentally corrected himself.

As far as crab boats come, the F/V Northwestern was absolutely beautiful. She was the pride of the fleet and the easiest boat to spot at the docks. Her brilliant white color reflected off the water, even on a sunless day and she really was in a class by herself. It was plain to see, there was something special about this boat. It was like she had a life of her own and was an intricate part of their family.

As Sig took a good look at her, he sent a silent message to the spirit of the Northwestern. It was by no means the first or last time he talked to this boat. Sometimes he even talked to her out loud when no one was around, like she was his own secret lover or best friend. At times, Sig found it easier to talk to her than his own crew or even his brothers. At least she didn't talk back or make smart ass comments.

Sig closed his eyes and quieted his heart. _Please take care of my youngest brother on this trip. He has taken good care of you all these years and he deserves it easy his first time out as captain. Please just behave yourself, girl, and be good. Edgar will be scared but he won't say it. Just look out for him and the crew…Norman, too, cause he needs as much help as he can get. _

Sig remembered about the crew being shorthanded without Norman and he hoped Edgar thought to make some calls and see about finding a new deckhand. That was just one of a long, long list of things that came with the responsibility of being the one in charge. _I hope we can find decent help and don't get stuck with some bar fly. I have to trust Edgar to find the right person. I guess I have to trust Edgar to make the right decisions about a lot of things now. Easier said than done, I guess, but I'll try my best. Please let me have patience with my brother. I love him and I'll be damned if I let him leave this dock tomorrow thinking that I don't._

With that thought firmly planted in his head, Sig put out his cigarette with his boot and jumped over the railing onto the boat.

* * *

Sig found his youngest brother working in the engine room, no surprise there, should have been the first place he looked. No, that was the wheelhouse, considering Edgar was going to be spending more time there than anywhere else on this trip. But Edgar didn't feel comfortable there with his oldest brother still in the state of Alaska and wasn't about to get into an argument or insult his brother's feelings by readjusting things in the captain's chair before Sig left. He'd be spending enough time up in the wheelhouse for upcoming days so there was no need to start this transition off on the wrong foot.

Edgar was working on some engine part with single-minded hyper-focus and didn't hear Sig come down the ladder to the engine room. Edgar's face was smudged with oil and dirt and Sig thought he looked very much like that little kid that used to annoy the shit out of him when they were kids.

_God, the kid was a pest when he was little_. It was like Edgar was born needing the most attention out of the three of them. When mom was busy and dad wasn't around, which was most of the time, Sig was the lucky one that got the brunt of attention-seeking behavior thrown in his direction. Many times this resulted in Sig getting in trouble for not watching his brother closely enough. Then Sig would turn around and beat the snot out of his littlest brother for getting him yelled at. Sadly, Edgar actually thought this was part of the fun and would laugh and run away, making his oldest brother chase him around the house till Sig was too tired to run anymore. Later, Edgar would then creep up to his oldest brother like a scolded puppy, trying to reaffirm his owner still loved him, and hug him gently or brush his face up against Sig's arm or leg. Sig would usually shove Edgar away but not before taking one God damn second to enjoy the physical affection he so desperately wanted in his life. Now that they were grown, Sig wished he'd would have taken a lot more seconds to enjoy that affection and maybe returned it more often than not, or never.

"Hey" Sig called softly to get his brother's attention without startling him.

Edgar looked up and saw the concerned expression on his oldest brother's face. "Hey" he started questioning gently, "How is Norman? Is he ok? How's his hand? Can they fix it?"

Sig took a breath and already asked forgiveness for the lie before it came out of his mouth. "Yeah, the doctor said he is going to be fine. They sent him to Anchorage and then to Seattle for emergency surgery. I called June already and she's gonna meet him there. She'll bring mom, too, so Norm won't be alone, Edgar. Don't worry, ok?" Sig could easily read the relief in those dark green eyes and knew he made the right decision to lie to his brother. Sig hoped God would forgive him on this one because there was absolutely no sense having Edgar all upset over what could be, hopefully would be, nothing.

Edgar was suspicious but let himself be appeased by the sugar-coated answers. Secretly, he was heartened by the fact that his oldest brother made the effort to try and comfort him. That meant something. "When will we know when the surgery is over?" Edgar asked.

"Tomorrow, I hope. June's gonna call the boat, maybe before I leave for the airport." Sig explained as he started to absentmindedly play with the tools left on the table, some of which he wasn't even sure what they were for.

"Good" Edgar said. "You ok?" he asked Sig softly.

"Yeah, yeah" Sig responded quickly, brushing off the concern and thoughts about Norman with a wave of his hand. He figured he'd pray hard enough tonight as he lay in his bunk, trying pointlessly to will their middle brother through a successfully surgery. Right now, there were other things to worry about at the present moment. "Did you call around for a deckhand since we are short one shorter brother?" Sig asked, getting down to business.

Edgar got a blank look on his face. "Ah,…no" he said slowly, "I thought you'd do that when you got back." _Shit, I'm in trouble. I didn't even think about that. Now Sig is giving me THAT LOOK and I hate that look. Makes me feel like I'm 13 years old again._

"ME?" Sig said indigently, his blue eyes lighting with a little fire, "Why me? You're the captain for this trip. You gotta pick who you want, not me. Didn't you think of that? Do you think of anything but yourself?"

Edgar immediately got defensive, which didn't help the situation. He tossed the wrench he was holding onto the table, making a bonging sound in the process and threw up his hands. "Shit, Sig, I have a ton of things to go over, you know. I have my job and now your job and, half the time, I have Jake's job cause he doesn't know what the hell he is doing most of the time. Not to mention I wasn't ALLOWED to go to the hospital to be with MY own brother and I've been…" Edgar just stopped and sighed. It was hard to admit openly that they loved each and worried themselves sick over each other all the fucking time.

Sig missed the look that crossed Edgar's face and revealed just how worried his brother was about Norman. That was too bad because all Sig did catch was a lot of whining and complaining. Sig was tired, stressed and scared for both his brothers, a bad combination for the hard ass Norwegian and he laid into Edgar without a second thought.

"Jesus, Edgar, you were the one that wanted this. What the hell did you think it would be like, a walk in the park? You've done nothing but ride my ass about taking over as captain for the last two years and now it's yours and you have the fucking nerve to whine and cry about it. Are you joking, really? Are you fucking kidding me?" Sig's voice got louder as his speech went on and his hands started flying around in an exaggerated fashion, only serving to punctuate his points harshly.

"I am so sick of your shit. Don't get on me because you are in a bad mood. And don't use it as an excuse to stay behind, either. I know you're looking for anything to make me feel like a fucking screw-up!" Edgar turned on his brother and pointed a finger into his chest. "Yes, I want to be captain. You know I do. But now I'm not allowed to complain about it. Oh my God, I have listened to you complaining for 23 fucking years, mostly about ME as deckboss!" Edgar yelled back.

'Good, let's make it 24 years cause you're done as captain. One simple thing and you can't handle it. You want to be captain, get your own fucking boat and get the fuck off mine!' Sig screamed.

"This is my boat, too, asshole and I am sick of you acting like it's not" Edgar turned and threw a screwdriver against the metal ladder to the galley. He looked at his brother hard and then left the engine room, cursing softly in Norwegian and trying to keep the tears from forming. _What had been given was easily taken away, a lot like the love in my life. I guess nothing really changes!_


	5. The Prodigal Brother

Edgar went up to the wheelhouse and sat down in the captain's chair, letting out a deep sigh. He fought back the tears threatening to spill over his bottom eyelashes. Focusing on the actions outside, he swallowed his emotions as he had been trained to do since he was a little boy. He had long ago lost count of how many times his oldest brother brought him close to tears. It was somewhat surprising that it could still happen. Edgar stared out the back window, watching the guys rig the boat for the upcoming trip and trying to forget about the hurt.

Looking across the harbor, he spotted the F/V Cape Caution in port. A quick call over to Wild Bill and Edgar had a half-way decent replacement crewmember for Norman. The new guy, Bill's son, Zack, was a good man, even if he was young and a little green-around-the-gills. Zack and his father were notorious for arguing throughout the fishing season and Edgar knew Bill had been contemplating sending Zack to another boat for a little while. Perhaps the break would do them both some good.

_That's what I needed when I was Zack's age_, Edgar thought to himself. _I needed a break from my brother because this boat has ended up destroying our lives and whatever we had of a relationship. But no, my oldest brother kept me here, dangling the captain's chair like a constant carrot in my face. For years, this went on. How many times did I tell him I didn't want it, that I didn't want the responsibility. That was total bullshit. I was just scared to death that I would end up being a disappointment to Sig like I was to my father. Shit, when now I have what I wanted, I screwed it up and Sig can't wait to take it away from me. Maybe I should call around for a replacement captain since my brother seems to think I can't handle it. _

Hearing someone coming up the steps, Edgar jumped slightly and pretended to be looking over the logs from the previous trip.

Sig walked slowly up the steps, turning his gaze to the right and finding his youngest brother sitting in the captain's chair. _It's where he belongs. What the hell is wrong with me? Why do I have to explode up on him like that? He was just as worried about Norman as I was. Why do I have no patience when it comes to him? _

Glancing over out of the corner of his eye, Edgar noticed his big brother looking out the wheel house windows. "I'll get out of your way," he muttered to his brother as he gave up the coveted seat.

"Edgar…" Sig started softly.

But Edgar left in a hurry, walking past his brother without so as much as a glance or touch between them. Before Sig had time to turn around, Edgar was gone.

* * *

Edgar learned through the grapevine, a grapevine by the name of Jake Andersen, that Sig was still planning on leaving tomorrow. Since neither brother had spoken to each other for the rest of the day, communication came in the form of the youngest deckhand bouncing and back and forth between the oldest and youngest brother.

Jake was desperately trying to get the two of them to speak to one another. In reality, he was only making the situation worse. Since he was the go-between, all needed information was unknowingly dispersed by the young peacemaker. So there was no reason for Edgar and Sig to actually communicate directly with each other.

Long periods of silence and an uneasy tension took over the boat. The Northwestern crew, all long time members, had gotten use to this family drama years ago and just went about their work like nothing was wrong.

Edgar hid himself in his usual spots, like the engine room or on deck. Sig hung around the wheelhouse, making sure everything was ready. It was as if everyone took their natural positions and no big change was occurring.

Zack showed up that evening and joined the crew in a celebratory trip to the bar. Since they had a night in port and the ship was ready, Sig allowed the crew some shore-leave.

As the crew headed out the door, dressed in warm coats and hats, Sig pulled Jake Andersen to the side.

"Where's Edgar?" Sig asked, almost looking embarrassed for caring.

"He said he was going out for a while. He left about an hour ago. Didn't he tell you he was leaving?" Jake whispered. He didn't want to start another argument between his captain and best friend but he couldn't lie to Sig either.

A look of concern crossed Sig's face. _Jesus, please don't tell me he disappeared like he use to in his drinking days. I can't take that right now._

A lot of sad memories crossed Sig's mind. Many of them had to do with Edgar getting "lost" for days on end, not telling anyone where he was or when he'd return. Sometimes the boat would just sit in port, waiting for him to come back and wasting valuable fishing time. But Sig always refused to leave without his brother, no matter how much the wait delayed him. He'd never leave Edgar behind.

When the prodigal brother would return, it would be obvious that he'd fallen off the wagon. Showing up hung-over, or even still drunk, Sig would ignore the dark circles under Edgar's eyes and just act like nothing happened. Inside, he be caught somewhere between wanting to kill Edgar for his behavior and wanting to hug him for just still being alive. Sig blamed a lot of his health problems on all the years of worry and anxiety over his brother's issue, not that he ever told Edgar how much his drinking worried him.

For a long time, Edgar had an alcohol problem. Sadly, alcohol had no problem with him. Since he had gotten sober, a lot of things had changed in Edgar's life. All of those things were for the better.

Sig dreaded the thought that Edgar had gone off on some bender, ruining his sobriety and risking all the progress he had made.

Reading the look, Jake leaned in and whispered, "I'm sure he's fine, Sig. Two years of sobriety is pretty hard to throw away."

Sig shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Letting out a deep sigh, he raised his chin towards Jake. "Same goes for you, Junior. Nothing stronger than chocolate milk for you, tonight. Got it?" Sig said, a hard look in his blue eyes.

Jake blushed and ducked his head. "I know, I know. I just go to make sure the guys make it back on the boat alive and don't end up dead in an alleyway somewhere," Jake said, looking at Sig out of the corner of his eye.

Sig have him a little shove and a pat on the back. "I'm only kidding with you. I trust you, Junior. You're a good kid."

Despite being close to 30-years-old, Jake's heart soared a little at the compliment. Any compliment from Sig was a big deal. But the trust factor was enormous. Jake just wished Sig had that much trust in his own brother.

"You coming with us, Skipper?" Jake asked hopefully. Sig could be a barrel of monkeys when he was drunk. It was like all the temper and control carefully maintained by the maniacal captain took a back seat and the "real" Sig came out to play.

Sig sighed, looking around the corner at the rest of the crew. Turning back to Jake, he shook his head slowly. "No, Junior. Not tonight. Nothing worse than a hangover when flying," he muttered. _Not to mention I'm too concerned with Norman in the hospital and Edgar God knows where to really enjoy myself_.

"So, what's our curfew?" Jake asked with a smile. He still felt like a teenager when it came to Sig making the rules.

"Shit, kid," Sig said with a smile of his own, "You all are Edgar's problem now. Stay out as late as you want."

"Then we'll be back before dawn,' Jake grimaced, "The crew's gonna want to welcome the new guy with style."

"Then I AM glad I'm not going!" Sig said, pushing him out the door. Calling after them, Sig yelled, "Stay away from those dock flies. God only knows what those girls have to offer. Could be finding crabs without leaving port."

The crew chuckled and made their goodbyes as they left, headed in the direction of the nearest bar.

Sig watched them leave and wished he was turning 25-years-old tomorrow instead of a man in his mid-forties.

Climbing the wheelhouse stairs, Sig went over some last minutes things before leaving. He'd gone over things a hundred times, just wanting his brother to have everything he needed for a successful trip.

* * *

Sometime later, Sig heard someone coming on the boat. Hearing the Captain's stateroom door open, Sig looked downstairs. Seeing his bedroom door open, Sig proceeded down the steps. Coming around the corner, he spotted his youngest brother in the Captain's quarters.

Edgar had his back to Sig, a long, brown bag in his hand. A long, brown bag like the one they sold at the liquor store.

Feeling eyes on his back, Edgar turned around.

He came face to face with his oldest brother.

"What are you doing, Edgar?" Sig asked cautiously.

"Nothing. Where's the crew?" Edgar said evenly.

"Out to the bar," Sig said, eyeing the bag in his brother's hand.

Edgar saw the direction of his brother's blue eyes and tossed the bag onto the bed. 'Jesus, Sig, don't look at me like that. I hate when you fucking look at me like that. Makes me feel like I'm thirteen-years-old again."

Edgar pushed past his brother, almost shoving him into the doorway frame. Stopping several steps away, Edgar turned around to confront his brother. "It's for your birthday. Your favorite vodka," he said, pointing at the bag on the bed. "I wasn't gonna drink it, although I think you'd like to believe I would."

Sig turned around from the room. "What the hell are you talking about, Edgar?" he hissed.

"Oh, just fucking admit it. You liked it better when I was a fuck-up. Then you'd have to take care of me and it was just so damn easy to keep me in my place," Edgar said with accusing green eyes.

"Do you have any idea what the hell you just said to me?" Sig said, almost yelling and taking a step closer to his brother.

"I know exactly what I said. You liked it better when I was a drunk and a nobody. Jesus, nothing made you happier. Bet you wish I'd never gotten sober. Sorry to ruin your good time, Sig," Edgar said sarcastically.

Before Sig had a chance to respond, Edgar walked away, climbing the steps to the wheelhouse.


	6. Sig's Birthday (new ending)

**NEW ENDING - I can't stand not having a happy ending.**

* * *

Sig stood in the galley, stunned by his brother's words.

_You liked it better when I was a fuck-up._

Before he had a chance to calm down, Sig raced up the steps after his brother. Finding Edgar sulking in a dark wheelhouse, slumped in the co-captain's chair, Sig cornered his brother by standing at the top of the steps. _You're not running away from me anymore. Let's deal with this because THIS has been hanging over our heads for years and, frankly, I'm sick to death of it. _

"How the hell can you say that to me?" Sig yelled in a whisper, trying to reign in some of his temper.

Edgar's only response was to slump down even more in the chair and put his feet up on the wooden shelf. Internally withdrawing was the best way for him to deal with Sig when he was THIS angry.

Sig crossed his arms over his chest, annoyed by the lack of response. "Answer me, God damn it. I deserve that much respect at least."

Edgar looked out the window and shook his head. A small, disgusted laugh escaped his lips, coming out his nose like a dragon's breath. "What, haven't I given you enough respect, Sig? Oh great patriarch of the family, keeper of the faith and golden child of our father, I am soooo sorry," Edgar whispered at the stars dotting the Alaskan sky.

Sig closed his eyes. Sometimes Edgar was difficult to deal with. Other times, like right now, he was downright impossible. "What is it, Edgar," Sig asked quietly, "You want me to apologize for keeping this boat and our family running while you drank your life away? You want me to tell you I'm sorry for not having the same issues as you?"

Edgar listened to the question and realized how ridiculous it sounded. Yet, there was some strange truth to it. _Am I jealous? Am I guilty? Why am I so angry?_

"It's not fair," Edgar muttered, recognizing he sounded just like a child, "Our whole family drinks. You drink. Norman drinks. Jesus, dad drank more than anyone I ever knew. I think I spent my childhood with him drunk at one party or another. Hell, there didn't even have to be a party for him to get drunk."

Since Edgar still refused to make eye contact, Sig walked over and leaned his back against the wooden wheel of the ship. Trying to get his brother to look at him, Sig softened his tone. "Edgar, we never talked about it, but dad was an alcoholic. We all knew it, we just never said anything. He did his job well, was an extremely successful businessman and was well-respected in this community. But he had a problem. He just hid it really well," Sig said quietly.

"Except from his kids," Edgar answered softly, the pain in his voice plain to hear. "Did you know he drank a lot…after you left?" Edgar whispered, shifting slightly in his chair but still looking out the window.

Sig sighed, looking down at his toes. "You mean when you were still home and I came here…as captain?"

Edgar didn't answer.

That didn't matter. Sig already knew the answer.

Silence took over the boat and only the noises of the dock could be heard.

His voice breaking ever so slightly, Edgar managed to say, "I mean…Norman was away in college…you were gone…"

"And dad was 'gone'?" Sig finished the statement, looking over at Edgar out of the corner of his eye.

Edgar shrugged, his shoulders sagging a little with the motion.

"I imagine that must have been very lonely for you," Sig said quietly and without a hint of sarcasm. _I know it was. You just never said anything about it._

Edgar shrugged again, this time pulling his arms in closer to his body, like he was trying to protect himself. After a few quiet minutes, "I missed you," Edgar whispered.

Those words hurt like hell and Sig unconsciously rubbed at his chest. _I left you behind. I know I did. I was so damn focused on being the best captain ever in order to prove something to my father. I never came home. I avoided it. And I left you. _

"So, you started hanging out with all the wrong people. You got hooked up with losers and got lost for a long, long time?" Sig asked, although it was more of a statement than a question.

"And I stayed lost…for over twenty years…I just drank it all away," Edgar mumbled under his breath, still looking out into the night sky.

Sig hardened his heart, knowing what was coming. Still he asked the question. "What was 'it' that you wanted to drink away?" Sig asked softly.

Again, Edgar didn't answer the question, just waved his hand as if trying to make the question disappear.

"Say it. I want you to say it. I want to finally hear it…from your own mouth," Sig said, trying to keep hurt in his voice under control.

Edgar's only response was to pull his hoody up over his head and practically hide in his sweatshirt.

Sig slapped his hands against his tights, his frustration starting to show. "Come on, Edgar. Say it. Just say it. You've been wanting to say it to me for years now. So, just open your mouth and say it," Sig said, still maintaining the quietness of the conversation.

"What do you think I'm gonna say, Sig? That my drinking was dad's fault? That dad is somehow to blame for all of this?" Edgar answered from behind the safety of his sweatshirt.

Sig was a little shock by the answer. 'Do you…blame dad?' he asked.

"No," was the quick reply.

"Me?" was the quick answer.

"No…"

"Really?" Sig said, sarcasm dripping from the question. He crossed his arms over his chest, not buying it for a second.

"No…"

Sig cocked his head to the side. "Maybe you should."

"I'm not blaming anyone, Sig."

"No hard feelings, then? You don't blame me for abandoning you when you needed me the most?" Sig asked.

Nothing but silence was the reply.

"Because **I** do, Edgar," Sig whispered, "I blame myself."

"Don't...please don't say that."

"Why not?" Sig asked, his voice filled with regret. "It's true. I should have looked out for you. I should have come home more. I should have called. I should have been a much better big brother than I was. So, yes, I do feel like some of this is my fault. I let you down, kid."

_Kid. _Edgar managed to hide a sniffle and shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "You haven't called me that in a long time."

"Still think of you like that. Guess I always will. Please don't take it as an insult," Sig smiled a little to himself.

"You don't have to take care of me anymore," Edgar said softly, a little resentment showing up in his voice.

"I know that," Sig said, reassuringly, "Doesn't mean I don't worry. God, I've been worrying about you for so long, it would seem weird not too."

Edgar bristled under his jacket. "What are you so worried about all the time?" he asked.

Sig laughed at the question. "That's all I've done for the last 25 years…no, strike that…the last 40 years. You know," he asked, looking around, "Do you have any idea how many hours I spent up here, sitting in that chair, worrying about you? Scared to death you won't come back? Scared out of my mind that something was gonna happen to you? Scared that…you'd drink yourself to death. And I'd have to live with myself, thinking it was my fault and always regretting never telling you…" Sig hesitated, not able to continue.

"Never telling me what?" Edgar asked, hiding the shock he felt. Sig had never talked about Edgar's addiction before, so many of his words came as a huge surprise to the youngest Hansen. _I didn't think you cared one way or the other._

Sig took in a deep sigh, letting his breath out slowly. "That I'm sorry."

Edgar finally looked up at his brother. Sig had told him a few times over the years that he loved him. He even told him on his birthday. But never had those words been uttered by the great captain himself.

"I…I…wish you weren't. My issues were my own damn fault, Sig. I don't blame you," Edgar said quietly.

Sig nodded his head, making full eye contact. "You needed me, back then."

"Yes, I did…but not anymore," Edgar said.

"I still want you too. I still want it because…I missed the boat…so to speak…when you were a kid," Sig said, his regret complete. _I can't turn back time. It just keeps marching along, taking us all along with it. Years pass. We get older. We celebrate our birthdays, looking back at the time we missed and knowing we'll never get it back._

"I'm not a kid anymore, Sig," Edgar whispered, seeing the look of regret on his brother's face.

"No, you're not. But you'll always be my baby brother," Sig said, his blue eyes growing a little misty. "And I'll always love you. So it's just damn crazy for you to even think I wanted you to...you know, stay the way you were. Don't ever say that to me again. Ever. Alright?"

The old church bells began to toll. Twelve bells. It was midnight. Both Hansens quietly listened to each chime, looking at each other and wondering where the time went. Not just the time that evening, but the time they lost over the years. Lots of time lost not speaking to each other, being angry, drinking, fighting, and ignoring the hurt.

After the last bell, Edgar whispered, "Happy birthday, Sig."

Sig grinned, "Yeah, I'm starting to feel the years, Edgar. This getting older crap is for the birds."

"Well," Edgar said, standing up and stretching, "The vodka should help with that."

"Thanks, by the way, for the gift. I'll enjoy it when I'm home and after I go see Norman in the hospital," Sig said, turning and heading down the stairs. Stopping, he said without turning back, "But the best gift you could have ever given me was not drinking it on your way back."

Edgar laughed, "I thought about it. Lots of stuff on my mind. Norman. The boat." Hesitating at first, then continuing, "…taking over as Captain?"

"Big responsibility, having five guys lives in your hand," Sig said flatly.

"I know."

"You're ready for it, Edgar. You have been for a long time. I was the one who wasn't. Not because I don't believe in you. But because I'm…" Sig said softly, stopping.

"A control freak?' Edgar said with a laugh, his spunk returning.

"Something like that," Sig answered as he rolled his eyes and headed down the steps.

"Want to play some poker?" Edgar called after him.

"I was just going to get the cards," Sig called back.

Edgar raced down the steps and jumped off the landing. "I'll make the popcorn."

"Only if you add melted butter and a LOT of salt," Sig added, his head buried in the cabinet where the playing cards were kept.

Edgar looked at him from the kitchen. "You sure about that? What would June say?" Edgar was already looking for the extra salt container and mentally picturing where the butter was hiding in the refrigerator.

"She'd tell me I'm getting fat in my old age and that I need to watch my cholesterol. But June's not here, is she?" Sig grinned wickedly as he found the cards and turned around, tossing the deck on the galley table.

* * *

The crew came back not long after midnight. They found Sig and Edgar playing an intense round of poker and laughing like kids. Popcorn was scattered all over the floor. There were also cups of hot chocolate and a thick cloud of cigarette smoke that made it difficult to see a hand in front of their faces.

Not wanting to ruin the rare but heartwarming scene, the crew said goodnight and scurried off the bed. All except for Jake A. Jake A. got called over to the table and grilled on his activities during the evening. Like a teenager reporting to his parents, Jake reassured both Sig and Edgar that he was a well-behaved boy and kept out of trouble all night.

"Good…keep it that way while I'm gone,' Sig said, his tone stern.

His ice blue eyes dancing, Jake got brave for just a second. "And if I don't?" he asked smartly.

Sig yanked on Jake's beloved Northwestern jacket, pulling him down to eye level with the captain. "I'll know about it and you'll have to deal with me when you get home," Sig hissed in a menacing tone.

"You won't like it, Jake. Trust me on that," Edgar said, suppressing a laugh.

"I'll be good. I'll be good, Skip," Jake said, his bravery sinking like a broached ship.

Jake hurried off to his bunk, leaving Sig and Edgar at the table, both rolling with laughter.

* * *

The next morning, Sig woke and packed his things. Hiding the vodka in his carry-on bag, he fully intended to make use of the liquid courage during the flight. He hated flying, especially on one of those tiny puddle-jumper planes out of Dutch.

Taking one last look around, Sig left the captain's quarters. _It's Edgar's bedroom now. I have no regrets about it, either._

Making quick and emotionless goodbyes to the crew, Sig hopped in the passenger side of the pick-up truck and Edgar drove him to the airport.

Along the way, Sig's cell phone rang. It was June, reporting to the brothers that Norman's surgery was a complete success. He would need intense physical therapy for his hand but that everything would be alright in a few months.

Sig put the call on speaker phone so that Edgar could hear while he was driving. Other than a few 'good's and 'that's great,' neither brother had much to say. After the call, they drove the rest of the way in silence.

Although nothing was said, they both felt exactly the same way; intense, overwhelming relief. Both held back the tears, not really sure why they always kept these things to themselves.

Arriving at the airport, Edgar helped Sig load his luggage onto the conveyer belt. Sig handed his ticket over the worker and dropped his carry-on.

"Well, good fishing," Sig said, eyeing his brother intently.

"Thanks," Edgar nodded, "Have a good flight."

"You know where the logs are?" Sig said, eyebrow raised up.

"Yes."

"You know the spots to try?"

"Yes."

"You know the offload dates?"

"Yesss," Edgar rolled his eyes.

Ignoring the eye roll, Sig went on, "You know to stay away from the ice, just don't mess with it, ok?'

"Yes…I know."

"Keep the guys in line. But keep 'em safe. Watch your back. Don't rush…."

"Sig?"

"What, Edgar?"

"I love you."

Sig grabbed his brother and pulled him into a tight embrace. "I love you, too."

Edgar hugged him back, just as tight, grabbing the back of his brother's jacket in his fist. Burying his head in his brother's shoulder, Edgar whispered, "Don't ever be sorry. I never regretted having you for my brother."

"And I'm damn lucky I have you," Sig said, one final hard squeeze before detaching himself and walking up the flight stairs to the plane.

"Tell Norm I love him," Edgar called over the plane's engines.

"No way, kid. You tell him that when he calls. That way, he can't hit either one of us," Sig smiled and screamed back at him before disappearing into the plane.

Edgar left the runway. Taking the truck back to the docks, he let a few tears slip out of his eyes, now not afraid to hide them since no one was around and he was all alone...again.

So it was somewhat strange that he didn't feel alone anymore.

THE END

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who took the time to read my sappy story. **

**Please review - even if you come across this story years from now, please review anyway.**


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